


Inside, It's Empty

by The_Thot_Slayer



Series: Inside, It's Empty [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A 3 chapter story, All the stuff that goes with Anorexia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Anxiety, Based on a song, Based on the song- Empty by Jaiden and Boyinaband, But i dont mean to offend anyome please-, Delusions, Depression, Eating Disorders, Googlr- how to dispose of self, Haiba Lev-centric, Hearing Voices, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I dont know how i made this but oh well, Im sorry i did this to Lev, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Lev has suporting parents, M/M, Nekoma, Romance is not the point in this story but its there, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Loathing, Team Dad Kuroo, Team as Family, This story is about seeking help when you know you need it, and a youtube video, fatshaming, parents bokuaka, parents daisuga
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26280217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Thot_Slayer/pseuds/The_Thot_Slayer
Summary: Lev didn't know when he started this.When Lev was a younger child, he was on the chubby side. His mother had him well fed, and he was happy. But then, the bullying started.Told that he looked disgusting, he changed, he ate less and less until it was borderline anorexiaHe knows he needs help, but who would even listen to him (apparently a lot of people)ORA Lev has anorexia fic based on the song Empty by Jaiden and Boyinaband and a Youtube  video made by Spicy Takagi(check their channel if you really want to see it ill leave a link at the end of the chapter)OR ORa fic about accepting help and dont judge people.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Haiba Alisa & Haiba Lev, Haiba Lev & Kozume Kenma, Haiba Lev & Nekoma Volleyball Club, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Inside, It's Empty [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909477
Comments: 16
Kudos: 119





	Inside, It's Empty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Punny_bunny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punny_bunny/gifts).



> Just so you all know, accepting help does not make you weak. Whether you have any T I N Y problem but when you yourself say you need help: ask for it

Lev didn't know when he started _ this _ . 

  


When Lev was a younger child, he was on the chubby side. His mother had him well fed, and he was happy. But then, the bullying started.

  


He was told he was disgusting.

  


He was told that being  _ fat  _ did not look good on him because of his heritage.

  


He was told that  _ Russian’s  _ didn't look like  _ he  _ did.

  


He was told that him being  _ fat  _ and  _ tall _ , he was 6’2 at that point, was weird and unexpected.

  


The things that he even wasn't overweight!,,, but.

  


he listened to them; he stopped eating regularly. By the time he was in his 3rd Year of Middle School, He was 115 pounds. He knew he was  _ way  _ too underweight for a boy his age and height. In the summer before his 1st year of high school, he was almost close to 100 pounds. He told himself that he should stop, it was too much, but a look at the mirror and the voice in his head made him keep going. 

  


When he joined the Nekoma Volleyball Team, he got better. It made him feel hungry, because of all the work he did, but then he somehow found himself at the scale and stared down at the numbers.

  


‘ _ 125 pounds _ ’, he read in the machine, he felt that the machine was mocking him, the bright letters blinking showing him how  **_fat he is-_ ** no… he had to stop this. It's too much weight, he began back at square one… sometimes he doesn't know how he got in front of the mirror, without his shirt, staring at his body- pinching his sides-

  


All the voices from the kids in middle school came back-

  


‘ _ You’re disgusting _ ’

  


‘ _ You are Russian are you not? Then why are you fat? _ ’ 

  


‘ _ You know Lev no one will love you if you look like that _ ’

  


Then the voice he thought was gone was back, a voice that sounded distorted, promising him things, the voice sounding like a siren luring him to his doom. But he didn't care, he told him something that set his resolution

  


**_"The secret is to just be empty"_ ** ****

Not only that, but he got addicted to the feeling of hunger. Every time someone asked him to eat, he would look at it and lifts his chopsticks when the voice would come back.

  


**_"You want to eat? Bite your tongue"_ **

****

He would just drop his chopsticks and look at himself in shame. He would then say he wasn't hungry and fill himself with water and shame. 

  


For him it all came to numbers, just numbers, he started to have a fear for numbers, Because numbers meant calories, calories that would enter his body and make him  _ fat _ -. For him every calorie was a failure, at first he would take 2000 calories. 2000 went to 1000. Then 1000 went to less than 500 calories. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but it was hard to get out of it when you were in so deep. When he thought he got out of it, the voice would come back and drag him back down. So he stopped trying, he  _ refused  _ to ask for help, if he asked for help it made him weak.

  


He didn't want to bother Kenma-san, he knows the boy dislikes him so why would he care, he was always in his games and he didn't want to disrupt him when his problem wasn't even that big…

  


Kuroo-san, he thought he could talk to him, he never spoke with him. Kuroo-san is always confident and bothered by his duties as captain, so why should he bother him with a problem that won't let him do his duties.

  


Yaku-san… Yaku was a person he  _ never  _ wanted to tell him his problem, he's already bothered by little things that he does. He could already imagine what would happen if he told Yaku-san that he doesn't eat because of some mental problem he has. 

  


And so he kept quiet, hid everything in a mask, even if moving felt like he wanted to collapse or when no matter how many warm clothes he wore it was always cold, 

  


Even if he was careful of how he acted, the predatory eyes in all his Nekoma team knew something was wrong.

  


When Lev thought that they were busy to be dealing with his problems, his peers were ready to drop  _ everything _ to help a member of theirs, but he didn't know the truth.

  


And it was finally resolved in a training camp. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> Here's the video I did a reference on 
> 
> https://youtu.be/wUa9F5VyaDE


End file.
